McDonnell Douglas Warranty Registration Card

AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES

Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

  1. Mr. Mrs. Ms. Miss Lt. Gen. Comrade Classified Other

    First Name:
    		 M.I.:
    		 Last Name:
    Latitude:
    		 Longitude:
    		 Altitude:
    Password, Code Name, Etc.:

  2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

    F-14 Tomcat
    F-15 Eagle
    F-16 Falcon
    F-19A Stealth
    Classified

  3. Date of purchase:
    Month
    		 Day
    		Year

  4. Serial Number:
    --OEM-

  5. Please check where this product was purchased:

    Received as Gift/Aid Package
    Catalog Showroom
    Sleazy Arms Broker
    Mail Order
    Discount Store
    Government Surplus
    Classified

  6. Please tell us how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

    Heard loud noise, looked up
    Store Display
    Espionage
    Recommended by friend/relative/ally
    Political lobbying by Manufacturer
    Was attacked by one

  7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

    Style/Appearance
    Kickback/Bribe
    Recommended by salesperson
    Speed/Maneuverability
    Comfort/Convenience
    McDonnell Douglas Reputation
    Advanced Weapons Systems
    Price/Value
    Back-Room Politics
    Negative experience opposing one in combat

  8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

    North America
    Central/South America
    Aircraft Carrier
    Europe
    Middle East
    Africa
    Asia/Far East
    Misc. Third-World Countries
    Classified

  9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase in the near future:
    Product Own Intend to purchase
    Color TV
    VCR
    ICBM
    Killer Satellite
    CD Player
    Air-to-Air Missiles
    Space Shuttle
    Home Computer
    Nuclear Weapon

  10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply:

    Communist/Socialist
    Terrorist
    Crazed (Islamic)
    Crazed (Other)
    Neutral
    Democratic
    Dictatorship
    Corrupt (Latin American)
    Corrupt (Other)
    Primitive/Tribal

  11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

    Cash
    Suitcases of Cocaine
    Oil Revenues
    Deficit Spending
    Personal Check
    Credit Card
    Ransom Money
    Occupation You Your Spouse Homemaker Sales/Marketing Revolutionary Clerical Mercenary Tyrant Middle Management Eccentric Billionaire Defense Minister/General Retired Student

  12. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
    Activity/Interest You Your Spouse
    Golf
    Boating/Sailing
    Sabotage
    Running/Jogging
    Propaganda/Disinformation
    Destabilizing/Overthrow
    Default on Loans
    Gardening
    Crafts
    Black Market/Smuggling
    Collectibles/Collections
    Watching Sports on TV
    Wines
    Interrogation/Torture
    Household Pets
    Crushing Rebellions
    Espionage/Reconnaissance
    Fashion Clothing
    Border Disputes
    Mutually Assured Destruction

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis, MO 55500
(from the ComedyCenter E-Zine)